Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
