I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
