dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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