my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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