The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize
