He asked to "fluff my boner.."
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
