is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
