his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
