I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
