don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
