I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
