We won't sleep together?
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
