I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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