D3 body, D1 cock
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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