Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
