It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
