We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
