i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
