Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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