Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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