so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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