and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
