I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
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I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
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Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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