I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
