i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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