I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
