I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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