vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
