yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
