So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Someone came in the potted fern
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize