dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
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