I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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