if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
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