its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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