I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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