its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I love you.
Bad choice
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