My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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