fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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