He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My breasts were aching with rage.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
