I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
