Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Randomize
