she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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