Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
