He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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