Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
