she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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