people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
