just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
