operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
