Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
