I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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