Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
