I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
