just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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