That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
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