dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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