wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
