One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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