Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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