I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
