Joe is yelling at the trees again.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
