we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Dignity is for republicans.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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