This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?