It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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