yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College