I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.