hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
