I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
