remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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