Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
17 year olds will be the death of me.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
