You can't motorboat a personality
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
