This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
