I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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