also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
