Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
