I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
