Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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